Throughout this writing journey, it’s given me time to be able to reflect, dive deep, prune, process and to heal. The Lord has shown me how he’s been faithful over the course of my life and in turn has given me a daily reminder that his provision never fails. He always has a path for us, even though it may look completely different than what we’d thought, hoped or imagined. It’s helped me to realise those innate passions that he’s placed and grown inside of me are still there, they can just be enjoyed in different ways!
It’s aided me to understand that the Lord gives us all specific gifts that are uniquely ours, to be used for the kingdom and for his glory. To hone in on what those gifts are and to spend time developing, learning and utilising them. Over time and during the process, God then helps us get to where we he needs us to be!
I’ve come to know that even though I’m not able to participate in performing the way that I once did or deep down desire to, the creative arts are still there within me and are a huge part of who I am! A dear friend said to me after reading week one, “you now dance through your words”.
Onto the last part of the story - for now- as our lives and stories are forever being written and lived out day by day. Part four, brings us to the year of 2020 and the dreaded pandemic. For me, as for the rest of the world, when the pandemic hit, it instantly installed in us a panic and fear. I would spend nights on my floor praying for the world and the health and safety of all the population. Knowing that “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7- NLT
I knew that all my years of isolation, cancelled plans and missing out on the things that I loved, would come in handy and I was able to help and encourage others because that had been my world for the last 13 years! My description of the pandemic is said with sensitivity and compassion because I know that it was not the case for the majority of the world. Within myself, I found a deep peace and a joy that I had not experienced for absolutely years, I knew that I was not alone even just for a small snippet of time. The pressure of the high pace of life was put on hold and there was a new connection to be found between each other within our world of isolation. Where everything had been transferred and made accessible online, my world opened up and I was able to participate in things that I was not able to in a ‘normal world’.
For once my experience was shared with everyone else on the planet going through the uncertainty and unknown together.
For months before, I had been praying for more friends of faith, until one night the first week of the pandemic, I was on Instagram and saw on one of my wonderful friend’s Instagram stories that her friend was holding a zoom bible study, called “college girls for Christ”. It truly was an answer to my prayers in every way. Each week, over a hundred women from all across America and some other parts of the world, hopped on zoom to study God’s word and through RightNow media studies. For years I’d been carrying this weight within me that I couldn’t let go of and found it hard to identify. By week six, this weight was lifted! I felt free in Christ, because I knew what it meant to find my identity in him and not in the world. I felt deeply loved and known, not only by Christ but by my sister’s in Christ within this new found community. It has forever changed my life and I wouldn’t be who I am today without that time and the absolutely beautiful community of women; which has now turned into the incredible women’s ministry Rise Collective Women.
Throughout 2020 I was experiencing new health challenges. At one point in my life, I would have shied away from opening up and letting people in, but God said to me “I’ve given you these girls, let them in, let them help you.” That year and ever since, I’ve encountered a deeper and richer appreciation and meaning of prayer which penetrated straight to my core. I got to witness 70 girls on zoom praying over me which just brought me to tears. The power and love of the Holy Spirit is real and so palpably felt.
A few months later, half way through Christmas Day 2020, another curve ball hit. I had what’s known as a hemipleic migraine, which resembles symptoms of a stroke. Everything went dark and I was unable to see, speak or walk, with the whole of my body shaking.
For me this affected the entirety of the left hand side of my body, which also caused paralysis.
Simultaneously, a condition that I have in my left hand, which at the time was undiagnosed, as a result of emergency surgery a few years prior, that left me with nerve damage, suddenly spread to my left leg and foot. The combination of the two with weakness, severe pain and paralysis, from that day forth paired with other complications in my body, instantly left me unable to walk or bear weight.
Everything happened so quickly and I didn’t realise that the effects would be long lasting and require even more determination, perseverance and resilience to face.
And so another journey began…
I was a tiny bit scared but over the years I’ve learnt to keep as calm as possible in any medical situation. To be honest when I grasped that the symptoms weren’t just resolving, I felt discouraged, frustrated, and a little defeated. I questioned God as to why when I’d worked so hard over the last 10 years to regain my ability and mobility several times, why it was suddenly taken away again. However with the love and support of my family, friends and medical staff, I had to start to rehabilitate again, just in a new and different way. It was becoming clearer to me that God had a greater purpose for me than I even knew. I love this quote by Amy Purdy, who is a triple Paralympic medalist! “You never know when your detour will lead you to your destiny”.
The Lord has really shown me a new meaning of life, through ministries and nonprofits. Bringing with it amazing new people and interactions. There is a deep empathy and compassion that we possess as children of God and a love that we can give and receive in return. “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT
To be able to connect and comfort others through our shared and similar experiences. God’s placed people in my path that have such wisdom because of the depths of their suffering and experience in life. Yet they have such compassionate and gentle hearts. “Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.”Matthew 5:8 NIV
What the enemy meant for evil, God uses for good!
God has taught me that you don’t need to have a certain ability to be able to do good in life. Over these last couple of years, I’ve been told by several medical professionals that they don't know if I'll ever be able to walk again. But I’m never giving up hope or faith and with continued determination, someday I will be able to.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 - NIV
However, my inability to physically walk or stand at the moment, doesn’t deter me from the calling that the Lord has placed on my life. I’m learning you just need a willing and humble heart, be careful to listen, slow to speak and when you do, do it with courage. Because we are fearfully and wonderfully made! You never know, you may just be an answer or part of someone else’s prayers. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14 NIV
There is so much emphasis in this world placed on what you’re physically able to do. Your worth and innate identity is purely being a child of God. It is made up of far more than just your abilities. It comes from above and within. It’s the pure love and grace of God that we receive to feel seen, known and loved as his heirs and coheirs with Christ.
My word for this year is bold/boldness paired with radical obedience. Even within the first month of the year, I’ve discovered that it takes huge amounts of courage to step out into what the Lord has called us to do. I hope that through these Narrow Way to Broadway articles it’s been the first step of obedience in 2023! The Lord’s really helped me understand the meaning of this scripture,
Hebrews 5:8 “he learned obedience from the things he suffered”. Jesus knows what it’s like to have suffered yet not sinned. He laid down his life for us so that we could live! I’m so thankful for his sacrifice and the deep love that we have received in return. Jesus also pleaded with the Father three times for his suffering to be taken away but ultimately he knew that he had to endure his death on a cross for the salvation of the world. The most selfless gift!
Just as in Jesus’ lifetime he “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” Luke 5:16 NIV. A lot of my life has been spent in solitude. It's been within those times that I’ve found and formed a deep relationship with the Father and learnt how to communicate and listen via prayer. Prayer has become such an integral part of my life, the same as in any Christian’s; a foundation that I live and build upon.
We also have the gift of being friends with Jesus, as through Jesus that’s how we come to the Father. John 14:6 NIV “No one comes to the Father except through me.”
Lastly, I would love to mention the ministries and nonprofits that mean so much to me, have had an immense impact on my life and are so close to my heart. With the hope that they can also bless your life or someone you know too.
As previously stated Rise Collective Women - is a beautiful ministry for women based in person in New York City and also available online. We have girls who are a part of this ministry from all over the world! Most of whom are interested/trained in or have a love for theatre and the creative arts. “A community of women united in Christ, rooted in God's Word and rising up for the glory of God.” @risecollectivewomen
We Are Even If - is a wonderful online women’s ministry specifically for those who are living with disabilities and illness. “Encouraging women w/ physical disabilities & chronic illnesses to find hope, purpose, & community through God's love.” Also have connections of women living in different parts of the globe! @weareevenif
People Hope - is an amazing nonprofit that mainly runs through Instagram and a Facebook community, that gives hope and community for those fighting chronic illness. “Web-based organization dedicated to providing authentic, raw, life-changing hope to people who daily battle chronic illness, as well as their families and friends, regardless of diagnosis.” @peoplehopeorg
Delight Ministries- a women’s ministry based on college campuses who “provide Christ- Centered community through our chapters on college campuses & resources for women who have a heart for Jesus.” I’m so blessed to have been a part of a chapter via zoom here in England! @delightministries
Last but not least, is the fabulous Melodic Caring Project, with whom I’m an ambassador for. They are an amazing nonprofit who stream live concerts, have music therapy sessions and send personalised music/songs to each of their patients that they call ‘the rockSTARS’. They mainly provide care and support for children and young adults in hospitals and at home all across America, the UK and Australia. Music is such an incredible healing modality and helps heal places that not all medicine can! @melodiccaring
I’m so grateful to know the beautiful hearts of the individuals who run these ministries and nonprofits.
God has shown me that we don’t need to be ‘fixed’ or fully healed to make an impact on the world and help others. God uses us right where we are, who we are and with our unique gifts, talents and abilities.
As I’ve not been able to actively participate in the arts the way that I used to, I’ve felt that I wasn’t worthy of the title of being ‘a creative’, because it didn’t look the way I thought it should. However, an incredible friend said to me “these ARE your people, you ARE a creative person, you ARE an artist. As much as you don’t feel like you are one right now, you don’t have to be doing the thing explicitly as a job to be an artist. You ARE an artist!”
So whatever avenue of the arts you enjoy and brings you to life DO IT!! Whether that’s performing, writing, painting, photography, listening or composing music or singing, albeit if it’s just singing in the shower or on the way to work, DO IT! It’s all part of who you are and what brings your soul to life! These can never be fully lost or truly taken away.
I’m believing that my story with the arts, performing and theatre that I thought was once prematurely shut, has been opened again; giving me fresh eyes to see and appreciate all that God has gifted me with. It’s a story that is still being written and the reprise is imminent! Even though it looks differently than I originally thought!
Thank you for reading along with my journey and to Emma and Phillip for hosting this space. I’m excited to see where the next chapter takes me and keep your eyes peeled for another exciting blog coming up later this year.
Much love, prayers and blessings
~ Francesca
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